[Christy]

I find it difficult to find recharging time as an INFP who is almost always around others. I am married to another INP so time together can be lovely and quiet. I do, however, still need time to focus on myself and my needs. I find it natural to give of myself and focus more on others’ needs when I am with them. I do find myself neglecting my own needs at times, which can lead to resentment among other things. Does anyone else struggle with this? What tools do you use to be mindful of yourself and your needs while with others?

Christy

[Sita]

I find this to be a major issue in my life as well. I don’t know what the best way to deal with this problem is, but recently I cut someone out of my life that repeatedly used guilt and manipulation as means to get more from me than I could give in a healthy way. I worked with them on it for years leading up to our separation, trying to get them to respect my boundaries, but eventually realized that it would never change and it wasn’t worth trying anymore. But that was an extreme case.

When the pressure is not coming from someone else, and is more internal, I recently found that meditation helps me take a step out of situations that might be draining for me, recognize it, and figure out what I need. Any visualization could work, just something to help disconnect from whatever situation it is for a few moment in order to gain some perspective. The technique that I use is to meditate on the universe, and how vast it is and how everyone and everything is connected, and that helps me find perspective. It helps me to look at the situation from the outside. It sometime doesn’t even take me more than a few seconds. Just any time that I’m feeling overwhelmed, and have a moment to think, I just pop into this state, and see everything clearly and honestly, and then move forward from there. Most of the time I find that all I need is a nap in a quiet place, or to do something relaxing that is away from other people. Going for a drive on a country road is a good one for me.

Unfortunately, for me atleast, I can’t recharge around others, I have to be alone. I haven’t found any way around it, I just have to be alone on a regular basis. So if you are looking for techniques to be able to feel healthy and whole while constantly being around people, I have no idea how to do that, and I have a theory that it’s not possible for our types. I think we have to have alone time regularly in order to be our best. But I could be wrong.

[Julie Linn (INTJ)]

Wow, Sita – valuable insight!! NFs typically have difficulty with this, but especially the iNFp, because they’re naturally so attuned to the needs of others and inclined to bend so much to accommodate others’ wishes. That’s a formula for losing touch with your own needs, for sure. NTs rarely have that problem or SJs, either, for that matter. I believe there’s been research that shows iNFps are the most likely to end up in a career that was wrong for them because they were so desirous to please their parents! So, your figuring out how to regain your sense of what you need by separating and listening to your inner voice is really wise. 🙂

[Christy Linn-Rivera (INFP)]

Sita, I have had to cut people out in the past for the same reason. It’s not easy to do! Unfortunately, in the past I haven’t been as communicative about why as I would like, and I think I’ve hurt people out of self-preservation by just running away. It sounds like you handled it much better than that.

I love your meditation tip! I try to practice mindfulness meditation as much as I can, but it is tough. I think going the extra step when needed and grounding myself through meditation in the moment might really help. Thank you!

I think that we may always need to have time for ourselves to be our best (as you said). I have noticed that as I get older, I need less time to escape because I try to be present more in the moment at all times and more true to myself at all times. The more I learn to not give too much, the less I need to run away – it’s about finding balance. I also think that the more I know myself, the less I want to associate with people who expect unhealthy things from me emotionally. With that said, if I am really stressed or busy everything goes out the window and I find myself right back at square one. It’s a constant struggle, but it has definitely gotten easier for me, and I hope it continues to do so for me and you!

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